Struggling

A little bit of honesty and whining. I don't think many people read this blog anymore, so it feels a bit more like a diary.

Note--to my friends in St. Louis--this is no dig against any of you.  Just an outpouring of how I am feeling right now.  I really am thankful for you all.  Just wish we could be closer.

Since moving back to St. Louis I have struggled finding friends.  I have some friends from before, and I really and truly enjoy them.  I just haven't found my niche.  I tried MOPS, I have been doing our church's Bible Study for women-3 semesters of it, I joined a Moms' group-that disbanded, and I've helped at C's preschool, and I belong to a reading group. I have met friends in my reading group, but apart from them-who I only see at those meetings, I have made ZERO new friends.  I certainly have friends that I could count on to help in a pinch or that would be there to support us, but not the type of close friendships I desire.  It is very discouraging and feels very lonely.  I think it is hardest b/c I left our last location with A LOT of friends, and a real sense of where I fit in our community.  Living in St. Louis is hard b/c everyone is spread out--the main reason I think my discussion group hasn't produced deep friendship--it is geographically impossible to just get together at the spur of the moment.  Everything has to be planned out so much b/c babysitters are harder to secure and we are not close in distance.  I don't mean to discount the friendships I do have here at all b/c I am thankful to have met the new ones and rekindled the old, but frankly we don't see much of each other.   It is the same for Scott, but I don't think it bothers him b/c he socializes as a part of his job.  Me, I talk to a 4 year old and a baby all day. People are so busy.  I am busy.  It just seems so hard.   We have 4 couples that we see somewhat regularly--like do something 3-4 times a year.  Thankfully two of the couples go to our church and live close, so we do see see them more regularly at church. I feel this impacts Colin as well.  He has not developed friendships either.  He enjoys playing with the kids of my few friends, but he doesn't see them much.  We asked him if he had anyone he wanted to invite to his bday party, and he only named family.  This is sad to me--maybe it is just his age or personality, but I am sad he doesn't think he has friends.  It felt a lot like this the last time we lived here and in Columbia.  Maybe I just miss my friends.  I long for that 1 or 2 or 3 really close friends that you see regularly.  That you see something out, so you just have to call/text them about it.  I know that type of relationship takes time and patience, but it is hard to see that type forming here b/c people are so established in their commitments or friendships with others already.  We have been back a year, and I'm not sure how to move forward.  How much more do I keep trying?  It is hard with a baby to have that ability to go and spend the time with someone necessary to create that type of friendship.

So in summary, I feel very lonely here.  It is very nice to be closer to family--that is a huge blessing and upside, but I miss my peeps from Bloomington/Normal. Maybe it just isn't the season in our lives to have friendships like that.  Maybe it is a time for focusing more on our family.  Not really sure.

Soccer time

C has enjoyed playing outdoor soccer this spring, but the rain has messed up a lot, so he hasn't been able to play a whole lot.

Here are some shots from warm-ups.  He loves to play goalie.

E at 2 months

E's stats at 2 months:

11 lbs 9 oz

22.74 in

She is pretty much in the 75th percentile for both.  She is still sleeping through the nights most nights.  Her fussiness has improved a lot since we met with the doctor.  He gave us some new strategies for preparing her formula and administering her medicine--what a difference!  We have such a happy baby now for the most part.

Here is a pic of how C looked at 2 months, how I looked, and how E looks

little man

C with Daddy

me a bit younger

me around 2 months

Now onto Miss E

C's preschool graduation

Our little guy graduated 2 weeks ago.  I am so far behind, but here are some photos.

C with E and his cousin, G

in the ceremony.  they sang lots of songs and each got their name called to accept their certificate of completion.  we were holding our breath to see how C behaved.  he is always a wild card.  i need to send a few more photos from my phone to add.  i am so lazy with this b/c it takes a lot more work.

Emmie's First Month

Emmie turned one month old. She is actually 5 weeks old today, but her 1 month checkup was yesterday.

She weighed 10 lbs 1 oz, and she is 22.25" long.  She is a big girl  She is so heavy compared to what her brother was at that point.  My shoulders, neck and back are feeling it as she loves to be held.

Her favorite things are sleeping and eating.  She is just starting to spend more time alert to actually play.  I can't wait for her to start developing a personality and start smiling and cooing, but the snuggles are fun, too.

Emmie's best time is morning, so I try to cram all my errands in early.  She doesn't seem to mind.  She even went on C's field trip to Dierberg's yesterday.  C was so proud to show off his sister--and very worried about people giving her germs.

Here are some pictures of her each week of this first month

 10 days old

2 weeks

3 weeks 

another 3 week shot

4 weeks

Notes from the Random Files: I love this song!

Here are my current ear worm songs: "Next to Me" and "Just Give Me a Reason." Thank goodness I like both of them.  I could actually listen to them on repeat all day long I think.  I love that guy from FUN.'s voice.  I will probably hate it eventually like Kevin Max from DC Talk.  I used to love that weird thing he did at the end of his phrases, but now find it annoying.  I am currently adding Nate to my list of favorite male voices: 

 Gavin Rossdale (not so much a favorite anymore, but once upon a time)

 Kevin Max (same as Gavin)

 Guy from Waterdeep (still like his voice)

 Guy from Mercy Me (still like)

 Chris Issak--specifically in the song "We Let Her Down"

 Jason Mraz 

 Nate Ruess

Basically to make the list I would have to want to listen to one or more of their songs on repeat over and over again.  I'm probably leaving off some, but these are the ones I can remember loving.  

I think I prefer male voices though I do love me some Adele, Janis Joplin, and the Indigo Girls.  

The Fabulous Miss E

We are pretty smitten with our newest addition.  She turns 1 month on Sunday, so I will save her current stats/accomplishments for a later post.

She arrived on her scheduled C-Section date, but in surprise fashion my water broke that same morning an hour before I was supposed to wake up to get ready to be at the hospital.  She already has a mind of her own and regularly bosses us around.  The birth went smoothly and recovery has been good. She was a big average size baby at 8 lbs 5 oz and a staggering 21.5 inches--no wonder I was so uncomfortable by the end!  She was a pound and a half heavier than C and 3 inches longer.  I have 2 more weeks of restrictions, and then it is on with losing the baby weight.

Sorry this post is scattered, but I am seriously tired (and for no good reason--E has slept 8 hours at night for the last week).  I guess it is the months of sleep deprivation catching up with me.  That and E LOVES to be held.  I hold her almost constantly from 1:30-11:00 pm.  She might catnap a bit during that time, but she loves her snuggles and comfort--and getting her cry on--during those hours.  If you get morning E, she is the easiest, sweetest baby.  Evening E is another story.  She has bad baby gas that makes her very unhappy.

This first month she has loved kisses, her brother's voice, listening to brother sing, being read to with brother, and being held.  E loves to eat, too.

nervous at their second meeting--really he didn't warm up to her until we got home

first time C held E.  He has been hooked ever since

Easter at the hospital

back home the second night

Ready to go home

 checking in to the hospital right before the big event