Emotional much?

I hit a new low today.  I cried when the dentist told me I had 3 cavities.  I've had all of 30 minutes to personally reflect on why this is so upsetting.  Theories: one more crappy piece of news, expense, having to take 3 hours out of my day to consent to legal torture, or a chink in my self-identity.  I think it's probably a combination of these things, but I hate to admit it's a lot about the identity thing.   I have had not the best oral hygeine since being pregnant.  All the morning sickness was made worse from brushing my teeth.  I puked almost everytime I brushed them, so not lots of happy memories associated w/teeth brushing still today. Don't be too worried--I do brush my teeth, but probably not as vigourously as I should.  See, I've never had a cavity before, and now I have 3.  It's like he did some secretive dentist voo-doo for it to work out that way. One for each year I haven't visited the dentist. So now cavities and not just stretch marks can be blamed on pregnancy--or voodoo dentists--your choice.

I don't even think the pain of the dentist is what bothers me.  Oh, it's way deeper and psychological than that.  I finally realized today that a dentist has to be a bit sadistic for his line of work.  He holds your mouth open for ever--refusing to allow you to swallow.  And this is what drives me the craziest.  Because I'm sure I will start drooling out of my forced open mouth at any second (or worse, choke on my own salive) and just when I think I can't take it anymore and will scream (with dental tools inserted in my mouth)--he gives me a chance to swallow.  I never think about how precious swallowing on my own timing is until I visit the swallow nazi--aka the dentist/hygenist.  Cause really I can't let the hygenists off either.  They do the same thing.  Probably worse until this morning.  It was the longest I've spent with a dentist since the 8th grade when I had sealant re-worked in my teeth.  Newsflash 8th gd dentist: you did a crappy job.  I got cavities still.  He just saved my parents from having to deal with it, for which I'm sure they are thankful.  I'm sure dentists and hygenists are lovely people outside of when they are cramming dental instruments, giant dental films, and their fingers in your mouth.  And now I can add to the list of annoying objects in the mouth: a camera.  This did really freak me out to look at photographs of my cavities.  No debating w/him there.  I should have asked for him to email me the photos so I could post them.  Just kidding--I would not do that to you. 

I also have to get a nightguard as I've worn my teeth down to a shiny pearl.  Maybe if I go long enough my teeth will turn into diamonds---we're talking shiny folks.  Thanks to the picture he showed me I know I've got a shot at achieving at least semi-precious stones back there. 

So now I get to dread next month where 3 hours out of my day I take myself willingly to the torturer where I won't be allowed to swallow for obsence lengths of time, and then drool the rest of the day from novicaine.  Seriously--I think letting my teeth rot and getting dentures might seem more attractive now.

Get Your Fit On

So here we go again!  Scott and I are on a mission to lose some weight.  Me more so than him.  He's only a couple pounds out of his zone, but feels like he's redistributed himself in an undesirable way.  Me, I've got a rack of ribs I need to cut out of my stomach/arse area to get to where I need to go. 

New plan: P90X was way too intense for me, so I'm going to try a mix of his workouts (we did plyos today) w/ a mix of bike riding and running (usually my go-to way to lose weight).  So we shall see.  I'm super hyper from my first 2 workouts--and continually hot. 

How do you get your fit on?

Solution help, thanks!

I'm in love w/these Land of Nod cube mix and match set--thanks to Deb.  Now which to choose?  Which to beg Scott for?  I had pretty much settled on bookshelf/shelves that could be reused for something else as C grows out of toys.  These are nice looking, but so pricey!  I know I'm such a Target girl that I'll have to check there first. 

New solutions

I think we might need a new solution for all of our toys.  The one nice  basket/box in the living room isn't doing the trick anymore for all the bigger toys.  I'm not sure what we will "graduate" to yet.  Space is a real issue in our living room--we already have so much furniture in here it seems.  We have the toys spread across 3 floors, so we can distribute a few more out of the LR for a while, but I don't think it will hold much longer.  Any ideas?  I'm thinking of a bookshelf type thing w/baskets/bins.

Racing day video

It really is here even though it says 0 seconds.  Just press play.  The smile is priceless.  He really gave it what for for half is lap (1/2 lap), but then he got tired.  Once I reminded him to keep running he did, with holding my hand.

Racing Day

One of the cool family activities in Bloomington is a Fun Run every Friday night of the summer.  This is an event that gives all ages (from 2 years and up) a chance to "race" around the track at Illinois Wesleyan's football stadium.  It's the real deal.  They all line up in their age group and are told "on your marks, get set, go" and they go.  Complete w/racing number pinned to their backs.  When they finish they get cookies and juice.  You get to participate for $1 a time--if they go 5 times or more they get a t-shirt.  We won't make it that many times this year--but maybe next year.  The 2-3 yr group runs 1/2 a lap, and all other ages run a complete lap. The four year olds are super fun to watch.  They are very serious about it, and you can tell it's fun for them. 

C had an absolute blast.  He could barely wait for the man to say go.  His age was the first race, so luckily we didn't have to wait too long.  We got a cute video on our still camera, and for some reason I can't get it to load to blogger.  I'm at a loss.  It acts like it will load, but never fully processes.  So here are some pics.

Warming up.  He was so excited to get on the track.  He immediately started running.

Testing the track

Stretching I guess?

Lining up.  I think there were about 30 in this age group (plus all the parents helping)

Watching the older kids after his race was over

Two Year Update

The little man is 2.  Here are his stats:

Height: 33 in (25%)
Weight: 25 lbs (25%)

At least he's proportional I guess.  He's a little fella.  He passed the autism screening and developmental screenings they give at 24 months (sigh of relief--not that we suspected anything, but this (autism) was Scott's biggest fear having a boy).  He's advanced in his language for a boy of his age and extremely coordinated.  The doctor saw him kicking and throwing a small, soft ball in the exam room while she was talking with me. 

For all his coordination he's lazy as the day is long.  If he can get you to carry him up/down stairs he wants it.  He wants you to help him a lot on playgrounds (I think this has to do w/fear).

He's a barrel of laughs most of the time and most of the time he's a sweetie (except when he's hitting Cosmo--even though earlier in the day he was kissing Cosmo's side b/c I accidentally hit him in the face when I tossed Kona a toy--quick change in emotions).  Some days he tests my limits, but most days he's a really good boy.   He hates to stop playing for diaper changes and sleeping.  He wants to play all the time.  We walked for 30 min. tonight and began telling me he needed more walking when I went to get him out of his stroller.  He hardly ever has "enough" of something. 

Can't wait to see what the next year brings.  Potty training, moving to a big boy bed--YIKES!  I plan to postpone these as long as possible as they will cause major inconveniences to me (at first) but then will have great payoff (at least the potty training part).

Yet more photos

The adults chilling--this was the best thing about having things for the kids to do the whole time--the adults pretty much chilled (except while trying to encourage the kids to eat).

Collecting/fishing for nuts and bolts.  This was a great activity for the little ones.  They were hard core about it for 5 minutes. 

We also had the wheelbarrow races (no good pics have surface yet, but we will see my dad's soon). 

We also had a McDonald's play area set up w/popcorn in paper sacks that was a HUGE hit w/the kids.

Daddy assembling the b-day treats--I don't recommend these.  We baked cupcakes in ice cream cones then topped w/ice cream and whipped topping.  The kids liked the ice cream, but then were freaked out by the cupcake inside the cone.  Plus they were impossible to bake correctly and were really hard to get out to the kids w/o the ice cream slipping off the cone.

C thoroughly enjoyed his though!

More b-day pictures

Some guests arriving

Big cousin Nic helping little C push the wheelbarrow for the "races"

Playing tractors w/Uncle Mitch

We survived 2

The big second b-day is over.  Mitch took lots of photos w/my camera, but unfortunately I didn't take any pictures of the overall look of the party: food, decorations, etc.  But the photos he took are great!  We had the construction theme, and boy did we have it.  We roped off an area at the grands house for the construction zone.  We had all sorts of signs, balloons, caution tape, and cones.  The two most entertaining pieces were a giant cardboard house (made by Aunt Sarah from a refrigerator box).  It was amazing.  It had a working door, a window w/curtains and flower boxes.  It was awesome.  The kids painted it, and they loved that activity.  They also loved the big box of dirt we had w/shovels and trucks.

Here's some photos of just these things.

He loved the dirt--hard to tear him away to open gifts.

The kids ate at this table (made of sawhorses and an old door) sitting on crates.  it was so cute.  They had a road drawn and construction truck to move (but they quickly got thrown into the dirt pile)

In their hats and toolbelts

(which stayed on all of 10 minutes, maybe)

A little sneak peak of C's party

party favors

what's inside

Bridget Jones in a head to head fight against a tatooed girl

So I lost.  It's my first time hosting book club (and only second book club actually), and I was really hoping we'd read the book I was rooting for--Bridget Jones' Diary.  It was a tie, so then we did a tie-breaker, and I lost.  We are going to read The Girl with the Dragon Tatoo.  Seriously, if I hadn't agreed to host, I think I would sit this one out.  I'm less than excited about this book.  I read a lot of reviews on line, mixed--most love it or hate it.  I often times don't like the "it" books, and I'm afraid this will be one of those times.  Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm terrified it's going to be violent.  I hate reading/seeing graphic images.  I will not traumatize myself for book club.  We'll see though.  I'm telling you Renee Zelwegger as BJ looks a lot less scary than this chic from the Swedish movie of the book!

 vs.

Oh S@#$!

So there's no better way to describe this afternoon.  I erased over 100 pictures from my memory card by accident.  These were our most recent pictures.  I have some of them saved on my computer, but only about 1/4 or less from the past 7 weeks or so.  I'm devastated.  I was trying to erase one photo, and somehow I had selected all, and before I was quick enough to stop it from erasing over 200 photos, it had erased over half of those.  I should have just backed up everything on CDs (which is what I was doing).  But I was leaving these photos on until the end of the month to do another 2 month CD.  I just had a brain wave that maybe (by a long shot I can retrieve them through Picasa--I'll see).

I had worked on a project today, which I was going to show you, but you will have to settle for the finished product as my during shots have been sent into oblivion. 

I decided, in an effort to help C learn to spell his name we would jump on the bandwagon and put his name up in his room.  I bought precut, unstained wooden letters from the HL (you know, my weekly crack supplier).  I also bought two star hooks.  These are going to go under his name, and then I will string wire between the two to clip his art work.  You will see once I get Scott to do the drilling required to hang the letters on the wall. 

I painted the wood w/bright, primary color acrylic paints.  They were way too bright for the decor in C's room, so after I painted the stars (first), I rethought my plan, but went ahead w/the painting of the bright colors, omitting the brown I had planned to include.  After the first coat of paint dried.  I squeezed the brown paint out and mixed w/a lot of water, and brushed over the painted letters to give it an antiqued look.  You can really tell on the yellow, but these were seriously different colors before "browning" them.  I'm really happy w/the way they turned out.  I did two coats of the brown over the colors (only letting them quick dry in between). 

A little late Happy Independence Day!

Let Freedom Ring!

 (excuse the French looking flag, but this is a very small area to get an American flag)

Weekend in Pictures

Walking to Carl's for ice cream

enjoyment!

such a big boy!

swimming in his new pool-courtesy of nana and papa

love the face.  i'm sure he's saying oooohhh

in the dirt (in his "sandbox")  i let him keep a package of soil to play with and he's never done this before.  We had to strip him and hose him off.  Amazingly his clothes weren't dirty.

cheering something on

talking about going to the fireworks

Before the fireworks started.  I love this pic of me and Scott.  Not so much of C.  He has a look of determination and frustration.  I'm guessing he wanted to get back on the ground. 

The fireworks were great here in town.  We went up to the high school down the street from our house, parked along the street side of the parking lot by a grassy knoll.  We had chairs, blanket, bug spray, popcorn, and our SuperChill lemon lime seltzer water (a favorite of ours).  We saw a far away big demonstration (thinking that was it, and then started packing up--I was literally about to load C in the car when the real fireworks started. Thankfully we hadn't left yet.  We were wondering why everyone was still sitting around.  C loved them when they were so close. 

Remember how I have a million things to do?

I forgot I'm supposed to make a blueberry pie for this weekend.  So on top of cleaning my house tomorrow I need to make a pie crust.  It's not hard, but jeez could I try to do anymore?  Poor C, I don't think we will be trying our first attempt to the pool as planned. 

And the Verdict is...

I know you are on pins and needles, but the interior decorator suggested we paint the living room and back bedrooms beige, well taupe--the same color we painted in the kitchen and hallways.   She approved of our taupe color enough, so we get to use the Behr paint instead of Benjamin Moore (HUGE savings...SCORE)!

This is the beige color to be painted in the lr and bedrooms

The dining room stays red.  The only odd thing is they want to paint the insert piece above the fireplace white.  I think that's bizzaro, but what do I know? 

It's the part where the clock is.  I can't envision it really.  It will look like a big white block. 

On the lighter side

So to be involved w/C in some way this morning I let him paint with watercolors (the water paint stuff).  This was his first time, so I made him do it at his outside table.  He loved it.  I went inside to throw away some trash and when I returned he had poured (or knocked over) the cup of water (for cleaning the brush) into his pallete.  This basically caused them to overflow into one another.  Then when he went to paint it was all too wet, and so he ripped his pages.  I had to keep a closer eye on him, but here are the results.

This is hard for me to look at.

His first attempt.  See, you can actually see the drawings.  Then the huge tear from too much water.

Paint getting thicker and still a tear. 

Third attempt.  The colors were all bleeding together, but no tears.   I seriously couldn't tell up from down w/o the words at the top.

So, Picasso he is not.

Where I compete with myself for some unknown title

So, in an effort to always have a million projects going on at once (2 aprons cut out and one in the planning and of course the cleaning)--because when you're busy it's easy to ignore problems--I am making my sons 2nd b-day a way bigger deal than it should be.  I realized this today.  Instead of paying attention to him, playing with him, taking him to music lessons (anything constructive), I spent the morning working on a stupid (but albeit very cute) banner for his b-day (I will post all kinds of pictures later).  I was sitting outside working on it (b/c I felt sorry for the first 2 hours inside while he watched tv) watching him play when this epiphany hit me--he could care less.  My response?  Crazy I know, but I made it cuter (hours later).  I have problems.  An innate need to be perfect at something I guess.  It has to have something to do w/deep seeded need for control.  I obviously am competing against someone for the mom of the year award.  But newsflash to me---C thinks I'm the best mom no matter how crappy I am b/c I'm the only thing he knows.  This makes me feel glad and bad all at once.  Will C care that his second b-day is decorated to the ultimate in cuteness, that we have fun activities, grab bags, and awesome food.  The answer is a big fat NO.  He barely understands what a b-day is.  Underneath it all I suspect that this is my attempt to prove something about myself.  But this strive for perfection just shows me how imperfect and well...terrible I am at lots of things. 

I've liked created this silly role for myself as the perfect party planner, hostess, foodie extraordinare.  I don't know how I did it, but now I feel like I have so much to live up to.  I think it's b/c I'm overly critical, so I have to show that I can do things better or at least equally well. 

This has to be related to some collective consciousness of the 50's housewife (See article at bottom of post) and my interest w/Regency England (manners and social graces).  I really don't know where I get it.  My mom is not like this at all, and really neither is my grandma or aunt.  If everyone's fed and welcome things are a success. I wish I could be more like this.  I lack for sure in the welcoming part, so I busy myself in the doing.  I'm definitely more of a Martha than a Mary.  I was scrubbing my oven thinking about all of these crazy things, and I really think someone should (probably already has) write a book about all the things we expect of ourselves as women, yet no one ever told us we should do them.  Like have a spotless house, be a perfect hostess, an excellent cook. 

Wow, thanks for sticking through a really long confession. 

But all this makes me think how much God loves me.  Despite all my craziness and things I can't control and my attempts to control.  He wants so much more for me than my petty desires.  Now if I can only remember this for more than 10 seconds.  Or until I see more ric rac. 


Here's the article that I read while teaching US Studies.  It really speaks to me.  Some of it seems ridiculous (women's lib and all), but sometimes I think we are more confined than ever b/c we are supposed to be perfect in and out of the home. 



The Good Housewife (courtesy of the University of Colorado)


The following is excerpted from an actual 1950's high school Home Economics textbook:





ADVANCE: How to be a Good Wife

HAVE DINNER READY: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal--on time. This is a way to let him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned with his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home, and having a good meal ready is part of the warm welcome that is needed.





PREPARE YOURSELF: Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. Greet him with a smile.





CLEAR AWAY THE CLUTTER: Make one last trip though the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up children's books and toys, papers, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you lift too.





PREPARE THE CHILDREN: If they are small, wash their hands and faces and comb their hair. They are his little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.





MINIMIZE ALL NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise from the washer, dryer, or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.





SOME "DO NOT'S": Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Don't complain if he is late for dinner. Count this as a minor problem compared to what he might have gone through that day.





MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest that he lie down in the bedroom. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.





LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.





MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he doesn't take you to dinner or to other entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to unwind and relax.





THE GOAL: TO MAKE YOUR HOME A PLACE OF PEACE AND ORDER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND CAN RELAX IN BODY AND SPIRIT.

House pains

So here we are--9 + months with our house on the market.  We are changing realtors effective today.  This realtor has lots to say and is bringing an interior designer into our house, wants to take new photos, and possibly reprice the house depending on new comps.  She's done more guiding in 1 week (that's when we contacted her) than our previous realtor ever did.  I have to admit she talks a lot and I find it overwhelming this is why we didn't contact her in the first place--she helped w/our buy just like the other realtor did--she filled in for B while she was having surgery).  So this new realtor-A--is kind of hyper--which makes me all kinds of nervous.  I feel like she might explode her talk her head off literally.  These types of things worry me, especially when I'm with her in person.  She gives me lots of stories and details. All which are helpful, but all which she told Scott 1 hour before.  I have to trust her that she's leading us in the right direction b/c if we don't listen to her what's the point of going in a new direction. 

All of that rambling aside--she wants us to paint.  She and her "associate" went to the house yesterday.  She says it looks beautiful and she loves it (placating, I think).  She thinks we should consider painting at the least the dining and living rooms.  She gave me a spiel on the emotional aspect of me painting my house certain colors and how they speak to me (I'm thinking get to the point--I'm never living in my awesome house again).  Then tells me her associate thinks we should also paint the extra bedrooms.  She loves our bedroom color--she has the same.  All this to say she's bringing in an interior designer today to pick new colors (or approve of what we have--yeah right).  So I'm pretty sure our house will be getting a neutral makeover.  She said we've got to do something to move our house out of the bridesmaid position (as we've finished 2nd many times over in people's house hunt).  I'm over it, but my bank account isn't.  It's going to be expensive.  It's a lot of work, so it has to be. 

So maybe I'm not exactly over it as I feel like I'm about to cry writing this.  I'm so sick of being in this situation w/o being able to do anything about it.  At least painting will make it seem like we're doing something.  I just think of all the work that went into to painting the 4 rooms in question. 

Our dining room (10-12 ft ceilings) took a coat of primer, and 4 coats of paint. 

Seriously this was painful.  My neck was killing me b/c I had to stand at the very top of the ladder to do the cut in work (and it had to be done twice to get a thick enough color, well 3 times if you include the primer) 

Our living room/entry way (also high ceilings)only took 2 thick coats of paint--and thousands of touch ups as we had lots of stuff on the walls. 

Our back -bedrooms I will concede look very blue-literally--since we moved out and don't have anything breaking them up. 

I still love our LR color, but I can admit that it's a strong statement against the red in the dining room (especially w/o furniture), so I can see that someone might not want to buy a house where they thought they'd have to do a lot of painting.  Maybe a bit like a quilt? 

I'm sick of moving.  Don't even get me started on our house here.  It is literally a dump compared to the houses I've been to for my mom's meetup group.  They are all stay at home moms.  My mind is baffled.  I can't work it out.  Scott and I evidently don't make good choices. 

Can you tell I'm feeling sorry for myself.  I've offered to host 2 things, and now I'm feeling embarrassed about our house.  I know I shouldn't be so vain, but there it is.  My achilles heel.